I was raised with shame, so it followed that I would choose inappropriate partners as an adult.
I had split from my husband, and moved back home with my toddler to care for my dying father in San Francisco. He continued his verbal and emotional abuse, and this time it included my son, so I planned to leave once again.
At that time I had a semi-boyfriend, more like just an amusement to pass the time, but he was often drunk, drugged out of his mind, and mean, so I was eager to leave. I stupidly gave him an address to write me. My ex husband was kind enough to let me and our boy stay with him and his future wife until I got my own place, but a knock on the door changed all that. It was him, he had stalked me up to Montana. All sorts of bad events followed, including rape.
Fast forward a bit, I’m forced to stay in the homeless shelter, because he was causing trouble. He was always around the entrance, waiting for me to leave the building. One night, I had my son in the shelter for a visit, and when I left the building for some fresh air, my father-in-law rushed up to me and yanked my son from my arms. People were screaming: that guy stole her baby! My ex had passed a forged check at my father-in-law’s bar, so not only did he take my son, I was arrested at the same […]
I’ve seen too many women alienate children from their fathers. My ex-partner was one of them. I asked myself why? It too me years to understand that the reasons is that they wish to hurt their ex-partner for leaving them. These partners focus only on their own wishes and needs — they are driven by an obsessive desire to punish the other parent. They don’t understand that children need both parents to develop into healthy adults.
I am struggling to co-parent with my ex. I tried for years to keep the communication open, positive, and productive. I engaged in countless, nonsense communications with my ex to keep in touch with our children as I feared that the ex would cut me out of our children lives.
But I am a parent too. I parental responsibility and my ex can keep up causing issues but I have the right to be involved in our children’s lives. This year I finally secured a court order.I hoped that things would become easier but they didn’t. The ex continuous to engage in toxic behaviours such as:
• Intervenes and limits the communication between me and our children.
• Tells lies, badmouths and belittles me in front of our children.
• Speaks poorly about my family.
• Undermines my authority.
• Disregards the court order — visitations and contact arrangements.
I’ve realized it’s nearly impossible to to co-parent with a toxic parent who does the above things. Co-parenting is teamwork. It’s a mutual effort to do things in the […]
I Have Three Children, But In Reality, I Have None.
“You know, always wanted to have a family. I wanted to have children. I wanted to be a good husband and a devoted father. I wanted to be the provider for the family, someone they can always lean on and find comfort and support…I have three children and somehow I feel that I have none…”
I am an empath.
A few years back I got divorced. I was married for 8 years, and in the last 5 years of my relationship with my ex-wife, our communication and closeness started fading off. I have two boys with her. She too wanted a family, but not with me.
She just wanted the kids — not the relationship.
She persuaded him to move from Berlin to a small town in south Germany, just so she can be close to her mum and dad. She stopped working, and I was okay with that. After all, I was the provider. The man!
My wife decided it would be good if we buy a flat in Berlin, but live with her parents, under their roof in this little town. I obliged and took a mortgage and got them a spacious apartment in Berlin.
Years went by and my wife along with her parents made more decisions, excluding me and just demanding more money from me. I kept on giving them the money. By doing so I hoped to keep my family. I worked long hours, and side gigs, and gave money directly to […]
I grew up with a narcissistic mother. Up until my father was present, she used to celebrate Christmas, Easter, birthday’s and attend many child-friendly events. Unfortunately, my mother did all in her power to cut contact between me and my father.
Now, years later when I am finally grown-up is— I don’t speak to my mother and I have reconnected my father. When I was a child my father did all that he could to take her into his custody and provide her with a better life. But unfortunately, the brutal truth is — courts in the Western parts of the world prefer mothers over fathers.
The last birthday I celebrated with her father was when I was 9 years old, since then my mother has made no effort to celebrate my birthdays. She usually made an excuse such as:
“Your father is not paying me enough so therefore we won’t be celebrating anything from now on…”
The funny thing is that my parents separated when I was an infant and since then my mother had over 6 relationships. Yes, I had had too many stepfathers. Somehow, even with the support of the stepfather, her wider family, her mother’s job my mother was unable to buy me a present or just take me out to a cinema.
My mother had all the resources to provide me with a “semi-happy” childhood, instead, she focused on herself. And that’s what narcissistic mother’s do. They think only about themselves:
They lack empathy.
They are self-centred.
They are passive aggressive.
They gaslight and […]
I’ve been through a lot, like many others who have unfortunately dated, married or had children with narcissistic women. The fact is that narcissistic people are one of the most dangerous creatures out there. But I managed to escape the abuse.
Just after New Year’s Eve with help from my family and friends I was evacuated from this abusive relationship. It was hard for me to leave her, especially since we have a baby together, but I had no other option.
Let me rephrase this I had two options: either I stay and continue to suffer or leave. I wanted to be there for my son. Currently, my I am in a very bad shape, like many who have been emotionally and physically abused by narcissists. I started therapy, I thought of suicide, I thought of going back to her, I thought of going forward.
Currently, I am living in my mums home.
The apartment that I bought is empty, I am unable to pay the mortgage, she robbed me of all the money. She wants the apartment to be sold and money split even. She hasn’t invested a single dime into the apartment, and we were never married. But she still demands it. Legally, she has no right to demand any money that she hasn’t invested.
“I will fight you until the end of my life if you don’t give me what I deserve!” That’s what she keeps telling me.
But the truth is that narcissists don’t just disappear, they are always here, lurking and […]
After watching Johnny Depp trial, I made a decision today — to go to court, to enter the war, and annihilate my ex-partner, a malignant narcissist. I know too well that for narcissists, the court is their stage, and they are the leading actors.
But I have faith in the legal system. I don’t want to give up on his 7-year-old son. I can’t watch him grow up and become the reflection of his mother. I wish to give our son better life.
I tried to reason with my narcissistic ex, I attempted to co-parent, I tried to get her help: I called psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists. Nothing worked. And I am broken and have nothing to lose.
I am on the verge of suicide and fearing losing the battle, and our son, I realized that my narcissistic ex will never be cured or changed. I realized that he would never win the war, but maybe I might win the battle by accepting that his ex will never get better and that I must prioritize himself.
“Why me?”, I asked myself.
Because my friend is a rescuer
Because he is compassionate
Because he is a co-dependent
Ultimately, I was the caretaker of my narcissistic ex, and I became addicted to needing to take care of her, instead of myself first.
Now, I know that my well-being comes above everything else. And if I don’t get well, then there is no chance I would win the battle or the war and support our son through the horrendous ordeal ahead of him.