A TAR Tale by Jason123

I’ve been through a lot, like many others who have unfortunately dated, married or had children with narcissistic women. The fact is that narcissistic people are one of the most dangerous creatures out there. But I managed to escape the abuse.

Just after New Year’s Eve with help from my family and friends I was evacuated from this abusive relationship. It was hard for me to leave her, especially since we have a baby together, but I had no other option.

Let me rephrase this I had two options: either I stay and continue to suffer or leave. I wanted to be there for my son.  Currently, my I am in a very bad shape, like many who have been emotionally and physically abused by narcissists. I started therapy, I thought of suicide, I thought of going back to her, I thought of going forward.

Currently, I am living in my mums home.

The apartment that I bought is empty, I  am unable to pay the mortgage, she robbed me of all the money. She wants the apartment to be sold and money split even. She hasn’t invested a single dime into the apartment, and we were never married. But she still demands it. Legally, she has no right to demand any money that she hasn’t invested.

“I will fight you until the end of my life if you don’t give me what I deserve!” That’s what she keeps telling me.

But the truth is that narcissists don’t just disappear, they are always here, lurking and plus she believes she has leverage over me — our child.

She asked me for spousal support as well. She never answers my texts or emails. She ignores the emails from the lawyers. She calls to shout and bully me. Because she knows, that everything that she writes down on paper could be potentially used against her. 

I can get in more debt and pay her off but that won’t save me from her. I can fight her forever and get in debt over again. Or I can just let the bank and the government take the apartment and then wait for the government to demand money from both her and me.  I ask myself: 

“How do narcissists always win?”

They don’t. It is us who let them win. I gout out, physically. Now it’s time for me to get out emotionally and that will take time. Just yesterday I went to our  apartment to check what was left there. She took everything with her. She only left him one thing — a positive pregnancy test on the kitchen counter as a message. It devasted me.

Was she reminding me that she will always be present in my life till death do us  apart because of our child? Perhaps…. That’s what a narcissistic individual would do.

Luckily, I planned my escape for a month in advance. I didn’t expect her to turn out to be so cruel as she has shown herself to be. I still haven’t seen our son. I am trying every day to get to see him.

So how did I escape safely?

I planned in advance and never hinted that I would be leaving her. I packed all the important documents that I needed and moved them to my mother’s house.

I spoke to people such as friends, family and therapists about the situation that I was in. They gave me the support and encouragement that I so needed.

I saved up a little amount of cash so I could survive until the next payroll.

It’s been a few days now that I have learnt not to pick up the phone when she is calling even though it pains me as I always think “what if she is calling because of the baby?” I respond in text messages asking if it’s child-related and she is silent. It wasn’t child related obviously, she just wished to abuse me more or even worse, make false promises, because soon I know she  will realize what kind of a man she lost….

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