I am a 68-year-old woman who has been in a toxic marriage for 39 years.  I am also an 8-year crack and meth addict who uses to cope with the incredible pain and loneliness of a loveless relationship and the absence of any family support at this point.  There is no resentment towards them for protecting themselves and living their lives – just a gaping maw of emptiness and a desire to be out of my misery.

I have tried counseling, treatment, medication, work, physical and mental self-care, relocation, separation, community involvement, hobbies, and so much more… so many times without any success.  I believe that I was programmed for this from something in my youth, but I can’t prove it.  I’ve been raped, trafficked, lied to, abused, robbed, arrested, humiliated, berated, manipulated, gaslighted, and homeless.  

I’m writing all this to say to adults and young people – PLEASE start building up your (or your kids’) confidence, support system, financial health, faith, connectedness, love, supportive mental and physical health services, and a strong life purpose very early in life.  You were born to make a positive difference in this world and the better prepared you are to face the rampant hate, bias, obstacles, lies, and siren calls of the people and businesses that DON’T have your best interest at heart, the smoother your path will be in accomplishing your purpose.  Always be safe, be smart, lead with love, and have a fallback position in case of trouble.  Bless you all.

I experienced sexual abuse when I was a little girl. I told one of my caregivers and they didn’t do anything about it. I held that secret for several years, which wreaked havoc on my self-esteem and sense of security. I got the message “You are crazy and you don’t matter.” I don’t think that was the intended message from some of the people that were in my life, but I believed it.

I also suffered emotional abuse from a trusted caregiver in my childhood. When I was in my teens, I discovered alcohol and drank to numb the pain and to cope in society. I, of course, found myself in countless toxic relationships with people throughout my alcohol addiction.

My mother, who had been my biggest support system died when I was a young adult. It was devastating. I struggled with mental illness and alcoholism for several years and was hospitalized several times for suicidal issues. When I got honest about the abuse I experienced during my childhood, some of my family and friends called me a liar. It was very painful and I felt very alone. I finally got sober after I was sexually assaulted by a musician. I went to treatment, joined AA and worked the steps with a sponsor.

After about 12 years of working on myself in recovery (including a few relapses), I have eight years of sobriety from drugs and alcohol as I write this. Over the years of my sobriety I have done […]

As of this writing, I have been separated from my ex-husband for 22½ years and happily divorced for 14½ years.  There was certainly one bright light after the wedding – my child… an amazing daughter to whom I refer as the best baby ever born.  She is everything to me, and I don’t believe that I would have weathered this storm without her support, encouragement, and a smile that would melt the deepest and tallest glacier.

“I am not going to be the one to ruin that relationship.”  That was not only my mantra, but it also became my commitment to my daughter with regard to her father.  Prior to separating, I communicated with my entire family that I did not want anyone to bad-mouth my ex in front of my child; by and large, they acceded to my wishes – but outside of my child’s earshot, one family member particularly insulted, demeaned, and criticized both me and my ex.  To this day, this person (to whom I am indentured) is blind to the fact that he/she is exactly like my ex in character and temperament – and they absolutely can’t stand each other (never have; never will).  Even though they have not been officially diagnosed by any mental health professionals, I can honestly say that both check off several boxes of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

While I am including this TAR Tale under “Parental Alienation”, I want to tell you it is possible to minimize the effects of this terrible form of […]

I am an alienated mother.  I haven’t seen my children for 5 years now.  My dear friend referred me to this website, and I hope that these tips will help others mitigate the damage from their own personal war of parental alienation.  Please stay strong, endure, and one day your children will come back to you.

Only speak about the other parent in neutral positive terms – if your child is having difficulty with their other parent, help them develop a plan of how they talk to their other parent and resolve a situation.

Be open to talking to your child about the other parent – what they like and value about them.  Remember it is not a competition – your child loves both their parents mutually.

Try to see the other parent like a business partner and relate to them in this way.  You are in the
business of raising your children together.

Be flexible and return favors – timetables with children may have to change suddenly.

Remember you are doing it for your child and not for the other parent.

Keep your children informed – predictability and routine are essential for children.  Let
children make arrangements directly with the other parent as they get older – let them have
some age appropriate control.

Never lose hope.

I am a mother who was alienated from my children in South America. I grew up in Ireland and emigrated to South America in my early twenties. I met my husband there, got married, and we had a son and daughter.  I can, like many people who are separated or divorced, say that we were happy at one time, enjoyed life, and had children together. But as one knows, life can change and rearrange. Over time my relationship with my husband began to deteriorate. It is one thing to split up, but to be deliberately and vengefully alienated from my beloved children is an entirely different matter.

I had a woman helper in our home. One day she came to me in the kitchen and said “Your husband is saying bad things about you to the children in the living room.”

I have witnessed separating parents who do not alienate the other parent. They are able to part and still be good, cooperative parents. These children play and go to school knowing that both parents love them. The benefits to the child are huge.  They remain being loved by their extended families. This benefits the extended families who are not torn from their nieces, nephews, or grandchildren. This leads to more peaceful communities which in turn leads to more peace in society.

Our reactions to being an alienated parent are not always what they should be. One is thrown into new […]

My childhood was one of abuse so frightening that I shut down emotionally to survive.  When I was 17 years old, my mother agreed that I could be married to a man, four years older than me, who had been my boyfriend for a year.  I wasn’t asked if the marriage was what I wanted, and I had never learned that I could actually have, or state, feelings about any situation relating to me.

Two days after the marriage my husband and I were sitting at home when he suddenly began screaming at me incoherently.  Grabbing me by my hair he dragged me out of the room, still screaming at me, and threw me outside, shutting the door behind me.  We were living with his father, which we did for the first nine years of our marriage, and it wasn’t until his father came home from work four hours later that anyone came to look for me.  I had crawled into the back seat of the car in the carport and was completely numb emotionally, unable to formulate any decision as to what I could do.  This set the pattern for our marriage.

As is often the case in such situations, my husband controlled who I could see, how much money I was given for the household needs and what was acceptable behaviour.  Anytime I transgressed, the screaming and throwing out of the house, whatever the time of day or night, was repeated.  I learned to walk on eggshells, saying little and […]