A TAR Tale by Russtam

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Russtam

A narcissist can inspire you to do better. I have a stalker. My stalker is very special — she is a narcissist. A very cruel, insecure, miserable, jealous, self-absorbed woman. She smiles a lot; her face twitches every time she produces a smile — oh how it must hurt to wear that fake facade for most of her day.

Thankfully she doesn’t go out a lot; it’s too much of a hassle for her. What if someone exposes her true nature? She hides inside her house, under her bed, and plots revenge. Health-wise, physically she is falling apart, and I often wonder how she is still among us. But then I remember that she is driven by dark forces, and I know that she will outlive us all.

The good news for me is that I will never be truly alone. The bad — she will be by my side always and forever. Why? Because narcissists never discard their supplies. I was about to use the word “victim,” but experience has taught me better.

I am no victim — I am a survivor.

For years I’ve had this person lurking in the shadows and working against me. She was so nice to me, love-bombed me, and treated me as if I was her best friend. I believed we were good — while she was up to no good.

This narcissist disliked me from the very beginning — but she was quite smart about it. She never publicly showed just how she wished to destroy me until the day she could not hide anymore. And why? Because she is a miserable person.

I know now that she just wishes to be free from herself, from her narcissistic persona and be more like me. And because she realises too well that is very unlikely to happen, she has no other option than to try to destroy me.

I made mistakes. I gave her too much of my energy in the past, so now I am trying to reclaim my life. She will become my inspiration. Narcissists are obsessive in nature because deep down they don’t value themselves. All they want is to be loved, but they are incapable of love and that’s why they hate others. I am now loved and respected.

This must hurt the narcissist. I wonder if she wonders, “Why? Oh why, am I not loved like this?” when she sees me happy. She secretly wishes to be me.

Envy is a special type of cruelty for narcissists. She knows deep down that I am doing “better” than her. Her jealousy is rooted in her own failures and inadequacies in life. Perhaps that’s why I caught her short-sighted vision in the first place.

I was doing well before I met her. I was seated high on my beautiful, white horse. She tried to knock me down and drag me into her drama.  I used to be a people pleaser. Now I enjoy spoiling and pleasing myself (in all possible ways). No matter what I do, there are people in this world who boil on the inside, just because I am who I am. I must not be as tasty to her as I used to be. Once I was under her control. I suspect she gets high from that. She sticks around hoping that one day she might regain that control.

She stood by me and inquired. “What do you do? What do you think? How do you feel? Where do you go? What do you eat?”

I used to answer all the questions. But I know now that my narcissist is a stalker. My biggest fan. My inspiration.

A few red flags that show that you are being stalked by a narcissist are:

  • You will receive frequent notifications from Google that someone is searching for your name
  • You will keep bumping into them even though you’ve moved to a different continent
  • You will receive emails even though you’ve changed your name

Are you stalked by a narcissist?

If yes, enjoy them. Let them empower you to do better and be better. Just keep being you, the loving and amazing you. Remember they just wish to keep up with you even though their legs are broken. Give or take, narcissists will always be 10,000 miles behind you if you keep being you.

It’s quite depressing to be a narcissist. They look at you and see everything that they can’t achieve or become. And that must be agonising, thus I am a survivor.

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