A TAR Tale by Badger


Have you heard the phrase, “stop badgering me?” I am sure you have. To those non-English speakers let me explain the meaning of this phrase. It means to persuade someone by telling them repeatedly to do something that they just don’t want to do.

Why do you think is the badger used in this expression and not any other animal? Because badgers are very tenacious, diligent, persistent — they don’t stop until they get what they want and need. This is what my girlfriend has been doing to me. 

I’ve had a stuffed badger for years. This animal has been at my friend’s place for over three years now. 

Why? Because I am an abusive relationship. Just last week when I was asked by my friend to come by to help him sort out his stuff and take my  badger back — I  was unable to come. Why?

Because of my girlfriend.

She just had to go mushroom picking and she demanded that I go with her. She imposed an ultimatum on me either they go mushroom picking, or she won’t sleep with me for a week.

Just to get this out of the way — I hate mushroom picking but looks like I  had no other option, right?

This weekend my friend is relocating. So, he must either get rid of my stuff (video games, records and the badger) or he will have to take them abroad. Within two hours I showed up after 3 years of never showing up. Yes, my I haven’t seen my friend in three years. Why?

Because of his girlfriend obviously. I’ve been isolated from all my friends. When I showed up I was told I was was unrecognizable.

I gained significant weight, was exhausted, unhappy and barely spoke. I was an eery resemblance of the stuffed badger.

But it took only a few old records, a few cans of beer and old memories to make me open up.

I spoke the truth: I am in abusive relationship.

There are certain rules my household that I  must abide by. First rule is I can play video games for only one hour per week. Second, I can pick once per month a place where I want to go with my girlfriend. Third, if we are to see his friends, she must agree with my proposal and know about a week in advance.

I also added that when he I manage to save enough money to buy us a house I might have “more power ”over her and just then perhaps I  would be able to see my friends more often.  

I’ve realized after I’ve opened up that many unhealthy relationship habits are baked into our society. We worship crazy, controlling and obsessive love — you know, that irrational love that somehow finds women throwing plates and knives at their partners and threatening suicide.

Society encourages women to keep their men “under leash” — rather than to walk hand in hand together. Self-help articles out there aren’t helpful either — they tell women how to get their ex back. Why the hell would you want that? There is a reason why people break up!

I finally admitted to my friend that I am victim of toxic abusive relationship:

  • She is telling me what’s right for me.
  • She demands to know everything I always do.
  • She is controlling my money.
  • She has isolated me from friends and family. 
  • She demanded I delete social media accounts. 

During the time I spent with my friend she called me four times asking when I would be home — she needed me! 

I never took the badger home as she threatened me. I am living with one…and I need to get the courage to leave. 

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