I don’t often share, but I feel like I can explain and say the proper things on here.
So my TAR pit started about 8 years ago, when I got involved with a narcissist. Everything was always turned around on me, my feelings weren’t considered – it was always because I did something wrong. I made him mad, so he acted this way.
Now I struggle. We’ve been separated almost 3 years, but we have 3 children together.
It’s very LIMITED contact, but I’m sure a lot of people can relate when I say I felt more alone in my relationship than I do by myself.
I felt so suidical, so hopeless, so worthless. I was ready to give up MANY many days, but I didn’t.
I was constantly being put down, and he would lie, steal, sometimes physically abuse & cheat on me. Trying to heal from this is VERY hard. It certainly doesn’t happen within a day. And I don’t know if I will ever fully trust again.
Thankful that I’ve got 3 beautiful children out of that horrible toxic relationship. It’s a complete shit show.
There were plenty of times during our relationship that I remember he would withhold (take away) my phone and my bank card from me and then leave. I’d have no way to contact anyone for days at a time. I’d have to go to neighbour’s houses to use their phones and to check my bank account. Most if not all my children’s money would be gone and he would say “It’s because you were being a bitch.” So he would literally take the money that I had for groceries for our children just because I was being a “bitch”. SO many things.
My children have seen and heard things they NEVER should have. But now it’s just me and my children so they don’t have to experience that any longer.
I finally left. I finally went and got a restraining order, and when I was finally done I didn’t go back EVER again.
I hold a lot of resentment towards him and and have a cold heart.
But I hope my story gives hope to somebody.
You’re worth it.
You deserve better.
Do not settle.
And get out if your story is like mine. Or anything like it.
It will NOT get better, it will NOT get easier.
And it’s not your fault.
Stay strong and let go for yourself and your happiness.