It’s been 11 days since I walked away from him. The first few days I couldn’t stop myself from checking on him just to make sure he was ok. He didn’t even acknowledge that I was in the room. It’s been 2 days of no contact and I have never felt this miserable in all my life.

Every time I think of him I ache. I’m not sure if it’s because I miss him or if it’s because I’m finally realizing that he never loved me or even cared about me. 12 years I stayed and endured with the hope that he would realize how lucky he was to have someone who loved him so much that they were willing to put up with the lies and the cheating and the stealing. Someone who loved him so much they always cleaned up the mess and made things right again. Someone who loved him so much that they forgot who they were and only cared about his happiness.

I feel like I’m finally waking from a never ending nightmare. But now I’m confronted with all this uncertainty and lonliness and anxiety and fear. Never been good at dealing with emotions so I’m really confused right now.

So many of you out there have survived this and my question is how? How do you totally reinvent yourself when so much of your identity was the person who hurt you the most? Sure could use some advice.