A TAR Tale by Abandonment Father

Abandonment Father

It is now a year since I have had any contact with my three beautiful young children.

My ex continues to deny me any contact with them. My ex continues to take advantage of a flawed system. A system that enables her to ignore and breach court orders for contact and engagement in interventions, with no legal consequence.

I do not claim to be an expert in parental alienation. My story is no worse than any other of the incalculable number of alienated out there.

The following is certainly not intended to be viewed as some kind of checklist to battle parental alienation.

I have simply reflected on the last year and compiled a list of what I have learnt during the last twelve months.

Normalizing the sense of sadness and low mood one will invariably experience as an alienated parent is okay to do.

Allowing this sadness and low mood to spiral out of control is a slippery slope.

Professionals that claim to be experts should always be challenged.

Reading and learning as much as one can about parental alienation is an integral part of fighting this battle.

Connecting with other targeted parents, be it online or in person is incredibly important. Invaluable for emotional support, sharing of ideas, information and advice.

Complaining to services and institutions with a dignified, articulate and well informed argument is key. You may not feel you are making a difference, but every bit of ‘chipping away at the system’ helps.

It took me far too long to realize that the way people treat me negatively, says more about them than me.

Professionals and friends have told me numerous times to engage in activities that will distract me. It is not always possible. As such I found a distraction that was connected to the issue at hand but also therapeutic, for example this blog.

I have realized that keeping myself well, mentally and physically is key to this battle.

I no longer feel guilty when I find myself thinking of my children less. This is simply a coping mechanism.

I have learnt that this does not mean I love them any less.

I do not need to feel guilty for what is happening to my children. There is absolutely no justification for the abuse that is being inflicted on them.

I have learnt who my real friends and family are.

I am way stronger than I thought I was.

I have learnt from others the true meaning of love, compassion and kindness.

I have learnt how much I love my children.

I will never give up. Nor should you!

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